Meeting Our Inner Selves: How Parts Work Supports Trauma Healing for Neurodivergent People
Why Protectors Deserve Love Too
There’s a moment in healing work—quiet, tender—when we begin to realize: I’m not just one thing. I’m not just anxious or avoidant. Not just “too much” or “not enough.” I’m a system of inner parts, all doing their best to help me survive.
This is the heart of parts work—an approach rooted in compassion, curiosity, and the belief that every part of us, even the ones we struggle with, is trying to protect us in some way.
And for many neurodivergent people, this practice can be both incredibly powerful and incredibly challenging.
What Is Parts Work?
Parts work (most commonly known through Internal Family Systems, or IFS) is the understanding that our psyche is made up of many different “parts” or subpersonalities. These parts might include:
Exiles – the wounded, vulnerable parts holding pain from early trauma
Managers – the parts trying to keep things in order and avoid more hurt
Firefighters – the parts that step in quickly to soothe or numb overwhelming feelings (sometimes through impulsivity, avoidance, or dissociation)
Rather than trying to get rid of these parts, parts work invites us to listen to them. To get curious about what they’re trying to protect us from. To build relationships with them instead of pushing them away.
Why It’s Especially Healing for Trauma
For those of us with Complex PTSD, relational trauma, or social rejection wounds, parts work offers something many of us never had: a compassionate witness. It helps us meet the inner children, teens, and protective selves we once had to ignore, mask, or shame just to make it through the day.
It creates space to say:
“I see you.”
“You did what you had to do to survive.”
“You don’t have to do it alone anymore.”
This kind of internal re-parenting helps regulate the nervous system, restore self-trust, and make space for integration. Instead of rejecting parts of ourselves, we learn to understand them—and in doing so, we begin to heal.
The Neurodivergent Twist: Strong Protectors and the Cost of Masking
For many neurodivergent people, especially those with ADHD or autism, protectors are not just strong—they are entrenched. And for good reason.
When you grow up in a world that constantly tells you to tone it down, to be more “appropriate,” to hide your instincts, to mask your natural self in order to be accepted… you learn that survival depends on it.
So your protectors step in.
They help you mask.
They push you to perform.
They keep you “safe” by making sure you never show your true self too loudly, too weirdly, too vulnerably.
And in doing so, they often bury the softer, exiled parts—your joy, your pain, your playfulness, your sensitivity—deep beneath the surface.
This is why parts work can feel scary for neurodivergent folks. Because to heal, we have to unmask.
We have to meet the parts of us we’ve hidden even from ourselves. And that means earning the trust of the protectors who have been on guard for years.
A Slow, Gentle Approach
If you’re neurodivergent and exploring parts work, it’s okay if it feels hard. You are not doing it wrong.
Your protectors are not your enemies. They are survivors. Fierce, loyal, brilliant. And they need to know that you—your core self—are strong and safe enough now to care for the system.
Here’s what can help:
Start with gratitude – Thank your protectors. They’ve kept you alive. That matters.
Go slow – You don’t have to meet your exiles all at once. Build trust step by step.
Use creative tools – Art, voice journaling, or sensory practices can help neurodivergent minds express parts in non-verbal ways.
Work with a trauma-informed, ND-affirming therapist – Someone who understands both the inner system and the lived experience of masking can walk with you.
Respect your nervous system’s pace – If it feels like too much, it probably is. Pause. Breathe. Come back when it’s safe.
You Are Not Too Much—You Are Many
Parts work doesn’t ask you to “fix” yourself. It asks you to meet yourself. To welcome the inner protectors, wounded children, tired performers, hopeful dreamers. All of them.
Because all of them are you.
And none of them are bad.
They just need to know they are no longer alone.
Want to explore this more deeply?
If you’re curious about working with your parts—or gently beginning to unmask in a safe, supported space—I’d love to connect. Healing is not about becoming someone else. It’s about coming home to who you’ve always been.
